Life Update

Life gets away with us sometimes, and we forget to update those in cyber-land that we care about… Or just update the Universe, even though it doesn’t need an update.

That last day of our pay or quit period was yesterday. According to the Landlord/Tenant Act, I do not have to vacate the premises until I get a formal eviction judgment from court. That doesn’t mean I am not worried about my animals or myself, our the kids or our things. I am worried that the landlord will be his awful, dirty self and con some police man to change the locks for a dime bag. I need to find my sweet Rue, our pup, a new home because no matter where I go, I cannot have her unless there is a doggy door. I wont be finding a house to rent in such short notice without a deposit, so I am stuck looking at apartments. I am worried about an apartment community, but excited because of some information I received yesterday. I don’t want to get too excited, though, because there is nothing set in stone.

I have a new fundraiser, because GoFundMe requires a bank account – and mine is still crapped out. It is on FundRzr, which is linked up with my paypal so I still have access to the money on my terms. I know that we wont be getting the rent situated here, but it is still up and accepting donations because we are going to need ALL new household items. I am taking our clothes, three pieces of furniture, my religious items, books, and stuffies for the kids… Hardly any kitchen items are coming with… I just don’t have the energy to wash everything of the bomb chemicals. Maybe I will find the energy, but I don’t know yet. If anyone is interested in checking the FundRzr campaign out, here is the link: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/0sq6b

I talked to him last night, my ex. It was short and simple, but it opened the pathway to further communications between us. I want so much to have a friendship with him… He understood me, or at least tried to; he inspired me; he rooted me in reality. I felt the butterflies, the anxiety – I was afraid of what he would say. I miss him so much, but I am not as heartbroken as I was when Chris left – all those dozens of times he left… I don’t think that makes my love for Josh any less – in fact, I think it makes it more real. With Chris, I felt a need for him in my life. It was like having an addiction – I needed my daily dose or I would go crazy. I was so obsessed with him that I completely lost myself in the 9 years we were together. With Josh, I would love to see him, to hear his voice, but I can make it through the day without hating myself, or questioning myself. I still get weepy when I hear a song that reminds me of him, or how I feel inside about him still, but I buck up and put a smile on as soon as I stop the moping… My kids need to see me strong, and I need to see that I CAN be strong.

We will make it through this. I will go to court, and I will explain my situation. I will accept the eviction, if it is judged against me. I will work to make my life better, and work even harder to give my kids the life they deserve. CPS/DCS knows about our situation, there is noway anyone could use this against me. I may have made mistakes in my life, but I am both dealing with the consequences and picking up the pieces to make a more beautiful masterpiece.

I know I haven’t updated any photography on here in a while, and it might be even longer until I can get them post-processed and uploadable because I have a lot of things I need to do to get ready for this inevitable eviction. I will keep everyone updated on what is going on as often as possible. ❤

PS – Please, if you have the time, share my FundRzr. Even if you cant or wont donate, someone you know may find that they have some extra money that isn’t planned for. Anything helps, and I am really trying to make this situation workable for my whole family. Sometimes, we need to pull together and help each other out ❤

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