Lost

I am not sure where I am right now. I ask, and all I get is a gentle smile, a hand on my own, a whispered I love you. He is not being forthcoming, but I have learned to accept this little quirk of his – he definitely enjoys surprises, especially when he is not the one being surprised.

One more week… next Monday will be my first day back at my old job… I will be on a different campaign, but it will still be that dreaded call center… I am not sure how I feel about this. I know that it is necessary, that I need to do this for my children, but it is still going to be one hell of a ride with my worsening back pain and join problems.

I feel like he has something major in store for me… I dunno.

On a lighter note, someone is coming out tomorrow to reconnect the internet, which means I will be able to surf the web at home! This makes me happy because I can enjoy Netflix, blogs, my Kindle, and so much more in the comfort of my own home. I can sit on my bed NAKED (woot!) as long as the kids are either out of the house, or asleep. I can do my vlogging again (like I ever really did it in the first place).

Either way, a lot of things are changing… But I still think about Josh, all the time. I am not sure if I will ever get over the strange feeling of emptiness in the pit of my soul. I know that Lucifer is there, but Josh’s presence in my life felt so right. Even now, as I write this, Lucifer is sitting near me and smiling a wistful smile – his mind is somewhere that I have no knowledge of at this time, but he gets like that a lot when I think about Josh. I try not to speculate on what his different facial expressions mean because assuming as done nothing but get me in trouble.

I look forward to being home, in my own element. I hope I have the motivation to go home tomorrow and start cleaning the house. It is time for me to be home.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s