For the longest time I have struggled. I talk a lot about struggling, especially with spirituality, mostly because I have such a conflicting desire in what I want from my spirituality.
I grew up with religious people, of many different faith systems – this has ingrained in me a desire to have a relationship with some sort of Deity. However, I do not want to be subservient to any being – and even Wicca gives me a feeling of subservience. So there is one dilemma I am coming to terms with. Honestly, that is the main problem I have. I do not want to feel like I am not honoring the Divine, but in reality I do not really put much stock in the Divine as it is understood by most people. I do not believe in God. I believe in aspects of Nature – Deities are not better than us, they are just like us. For me, my Deities are aspects of my Higher Self, they are the parts of me that vibrate on a different frequency. They are Guides, not Gods.
Do I need the trappings of a Wiccan spiritual practice? No. Definitely not. Do I enjoy having an altar as a physical focus for my spiritual path? Of course. I like to have a place to focus my energy on when I desire to do a working, mostly because if I don’t, I am likely to lose interest and get distracted in the middle. That is just my nature. I am a very ‘all over the place’ person.
I know my path, I just feel stuck right now. I know where I want to go and where I need to go – and in terms of my spiritual journey, they are one in the same, however the means to get there seem to be different. How I want it to happen seems to be completely out of the picture at this time.
I think my first step toward getting to where I want to be is to start a meditation practice, maybe even add some yoga in there. Do a mind and body meditation. We shall see how this all works out. I’ll keep everyone posted on how it goes from here, and where I find myself when I next sit down and contemplate my journey.