Struggle

magic1

For the longest time I have struggled. I talk a lot about struggling, especially with spirituality, mostly because I have such a conflicting desire in what I want from my spirituality.

I grew up with religious people, of many different faith systems – this has ingrained in me a desire to have a relationship with some sort of Deity. However, I do not want to be subservient to any being – and even Wicca gives me a feeling of subservience. So there is one dilemma I am coming to terms with. Honestly, that is the main problem I have. I do not want to feel like I am not honoring the Divine, but in reality I do not really put much stock in the Divine as it is understood by most people. I do not believe in God. I believe in aspects of Nature – Deities are not better than us, they are just like us. For me, my Deities are aspects of my Higher Self, they are the parts of me that vibrate on a different frequency. They are Guides, not Gods.

Do I need the trappings of a Wiccan spiritual practice? No. Definitely not. Do I enjoy having an altar as a physical focus for my spiritual path? Of course. I like to have a place to focus my energy on when I desire to do a working, mostly because if I don’t, I am likely to lose interest and get distracted in the middle. That is just my nature. I am a very ‘all over the place’ person.

I know my path, I just feel stuck right now. I know where I want to go and where I need to go – and in terms of my spiritual journey, they are one in the same, however the means to get there seem to be different. How I want it to happen seems to be completely out of the picture at this time.

I think my first step toward getting to where I want to be is to start a meditation practice, maybe even add some yoga in there. Do a mind and body meditation. We shall see how this all works out. I’ll keep everyone posted on how it goes from here, and where I find myself when I next sit down and contemplate my journey.

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3 thoughts on “Struggle

  1. Meditation can help you understand and find your path, you have to clear your mind of all things mundane and reach into your soul to find what you’re looking for, I too struggled for years, until I started reading books and everything started to make sense and fall into place, though my new path is still a secret to most, my heart and soul are both happy, I was never religious and felt religion only complicates things, but now that I’m here, now I understand, I just wasn’t on the right path for me, now I’m no longer a lost soul, I do hope you find your way, let your inner light guide you.

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  2. If you’re drawn to Wicca but not the deities, you could call yourself a non-theist Wiccan! But I wrote about the same thing once, and I just prefer to stick with ‘spiritual’, myself. I don’t think the confounds of defining your practice and self are necessary. But I also don’t think you should disregard the deities simply because you don’t want to be subservient! Many expect nothing of you except that you call when you need them.

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