Aaron and I met at work in December of 2014. We fell in love with each other somewhere between meeting and June of 2015. We were best friends, he was my rock in so many aspects. We got married October 16th 2015 – yeah, quick, we know. He left for Basic Training in November of 2015, and has been away ever since.
We talk on the phone sometimes, and most of our talks are not pleasant. We fight. We complain. We sit for a while in silence. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done – living without my love, but knowing that he is just in another state. This is such a challenging situation that we are in right now, and with the added stress of his current situation, it just makes the distance so much harder. We don’t have much to say to each other, and what we do say is usually depressing and negative.
I do not know what to do to make things better. I do not know how to keep my thoughts elevated, and how to support him in this. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been married. I don’t know how this is supposed to work. And whenever I try and talk to him, it just starts another fight. I am at a loss for how to make our marriage last while he is so far away.
I’m horrible with relationships… I’m not very open, I am a private and solitary individual. I like a lot of space, I like doing my own thing, and sometimes I forget about the other person. I just sort of go about my life… When he was here, it was so easy to pull myself out of my shell and be a part of a partnership – but with him gone, I don’t really have much to discuss or talk about. I take care of bills, I clean the house, I teach the kids, I cook the food… I don’t really do fun stuff, I stay inside a lot… I don’t have a lot to talk about, and sometimes I forget how to converse with someone…
I guess, really, my number one goal for 2016 in regards to my relationship with my husband is to make it to our one year anniversary. I know that sounds terrible, but with all the stress and negativity, that is the best goal I can set right now. I just want to make it through BCT and AIT, I want to make it through to our one year so we can say “We did it – we can get through anything now”. This is definitely a test of our commitment to one another, and to our personal values. Neither of us believe in giving up, but trying to work on mending things is incredibly difficult from hundreds of miles away.
We can’t do date night, we can’t talk for hours about what’s going on, and we can’t take walks together. We can’t do anything together. I know that, if we truly try, we can make this work… But I gotta convince him and show him that the way he is acting right now and treating me is not going to make anything work. I truly wish I could take his stress away, give him the answers, make things move faster. But I do not have that power. It is out of my hands.
How can I measure the progress of this goal monthly? I think I am going to plan on writing weekly letters, outlining what we have done, so that he doesn’t feel so left out. I am also going to work on having at least one call per week that is not negative, that is happy – this goal is not just up to me, but both of us, but I can at least keep up my end of the bargain.
Relationship Goals – 0% Complete for the month.