Life attacks – that is definitely what it has done these last 2.5 months. It has attacked us. It has chewed us up into nothing but pulp and sinew, and it just continues chewing.
I kept up for a while, doing my daily tarot draws, posting them on IG, cleaning the house… But everything just wore me down after my husband left. I felt so alone, I had no energy to do anything (and my children definitely suffered from my depression on a weekly basis). I hid in my room, stayed in bed, didn’t get dressed… It was horrible.
When we learned of the troubles facing my husband at basic training (won’t get into the details, but he was placed in holding and is still there), the depression got worse. Yes, I was talking to him nearly every night – thanks to another person who let him use his cellphone to text – but the fear was still there that he would be sent home. There are no jobs here, at least none that would allow us to homeschool, or spend really any time together at all. This is a small town, opportunities are limited, and the prospects there are would mean we would both have to work, one of us two jobs are do at least 20 hours of overtime a week, and we would have to be on state aide. That is not life, that is struggling to survive. We are not robots…
But, aside from the fear and depression, I have worked incredibly hard to maintain a positive, sunny outlook on this entire situation. We pulled Sunstone (son) out of public school, and I have been working on a curriculum recently (I will talk about that a little later in a different post), and I have been watching our neighbors daughter, who has become Moonstone’s (daughter) best friend.
I fell off a lot of my routines – daily tarot, cleaning, watercolor, photography, even doing my makeup and washing my face daily. I am so discombobulated, and it just isn’t fair that my depression takes away so much of my drive to do pretty much anything.
I haven’t been very faithful to this blog, either, and I regret that. I hope, with an established routine coming up in February (when we start homeschooling), I will get into a better habit of doing the many things I enjoy doing.
Light and Love,