A Change of Scenery

It happened again – the desire for something new. I need a change, a new name, a new identity. I got tired of this URL. And so, since we cannot change the URLs for our blogs here on WordPress, I have imported my posts, pages, and other ephemra to a new blog. I am currently working on the theme, but you can head on over to https://foreverlostinthewoods.wordpress.com/  and give me a follow, if you want. I’ll go ahead and keep this one up for now. I hope to see you all on the new blog.

 

T O R I ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

A Little Update

Ok, so I have been failing at the whole updating regularly thing. I just can’t seem to stick to a schedule, and life never lets me take a break when I want to.

Homeschooling has been off to a very, very slow start. It has taken us three weeks to get through the first week of the curriculum! Between friends moving away, bad days, inspections, family coming to visit, and no one ever respecting the fact that we homeschool, we have had to put off lessons a few days at a time. Well, not anymore. I guess I am going to have to advise friends and family that we are not available until lessons are finished, which will likely be between 1 and 3 in the afternoon. Sunstone has been getting better at his Form Drawing – we worked on Straight and Curved lines. It was pretty nifty. I decided to supplement the Waldorf curriculum with some typical school workbooks, so I can feel like he is at least meeting the Common Core for our state (he is picking up on a lot of different words, and his reading is improving!). We do a few worksheets every day, and have a spelling test every week. I am keeping the sheets sort of connected with our Main Lessons (he has practiced writing A and E, learned about the Short Vowel sounds for those letters, etc).

His Form Drawing does need improvement, and listening to directions is something we really need to work on. He got very upset that the final product he put in his MLB was not good (in his opinion) – he is a perfectionist, like me. But I encouraged him and told him exactly how I felt – that it was perfect for where he is right now, and he will get to see how he improves through the course of the lessons. That seemed to help him a bit.

I have some pictures to update as well, but I may as well make those a part of a different post, something like a walkthrough of our stuff? LOL.

What Makes Me Happy?

I think I need to focus on some happy things. There is a lot of stress and tears and sadness floating around right now, and a lot of anger too – I’m finding myself struggling with so much, and I really need something positive to focus on, even if just for a moment while I write this post.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

1. My children’s smiles
2. Cuddling with my cats
3. Watching movies with my children
4. Hearing my husband say that he loves me
5. The way my husband winks at me (it always makes me giggle)
6. A sweet, creamy cup of coffee on a quiet morning before the kids get up
7. Trying a new recipe and my family enjoying it
8. Sunstone’s curiosity
9. Moonstone’s imagination
10. Those few precious hours of solitude after the kids go to bed.

These are just 10 things that make me happy. There are, obviously, more – but these were the first 10 things that came to my mind.

Friday Update

Another short post, have a lot going on right now. We have hit quite a few bumps in the first week of homeschooling – primarily, finding the time between everything else to actually do the lessons. Inspections, errands, cooking, cleaning, spending time with friends (our best friends are leaving in about a week and a half) – all of this seems to throw off our groove and take up a lot of our time.

I’m going to try and play catch-up this weekend and next week, hopefully find a groove and a rhythm for this whole thing. I’m going to take some pictures of our progress this weekend, and I really hope to get going with this. I just need to prioritize our time.

Why does life always have to take a turn when new projects and stuff is started. I’m so lost right now, and I have very little support from those closest to me. I floundering with my head barely above the waves, but the kelp is wrapping around my ankles and trying to drag me down. I’m so scared.

I’ll keep everyone posted on how it all goes. Also, I’ll post the Prologue for the Alphabet portion of Bran and Bryn’s adventures – sometime this weekend.

Homeschooling Update

On Monday we did the first Main Lesson for Form Drawing (straight lines), and I read the secular story of Saint George (not sure I liked it though, I might look at the non-secular one tonight and see how I like it). Sunstone – and Moonstone – practiced their form drawing (Moonstone wants to do everything her big brother is doing, and honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with her doing a fair few of the activities, though they are a bit above her level – if she has one, why the hell not?!)

Yesterday was a bust – we didn’t seem to get anything done except the handcraft activity, which was a Sit-Upon (a pillow). We finished those up today, along with the prologue for Bran and Bryn’s Alphabet Quest.

I also finished sewing the Gnomes cloaks and hats, as well as Bran and Bryn’s cloaks. The peg dolls are finished, for now.

I’ll write up a more detailed post about our adventure thusfar later on this week, once we have completed everything. I’ll even post pictures!

It’s Really Real…

Oh, dear god… We start schooling on Monday.

I am so frazzled.

We also have an inspection for the apartment that day. We are doing our Imbolc cleaning, getting everything taken care of and making sure the house looks good for the inspection… I finished the kitchen today – well, nearly finished the kitchen, I still have to finish the bar-counter and do some spot cleaning.

2016 Goals (UPDATED)

I was inspired by Kaar to create some, hopefully, attainable goals for this year. These seem like a lot of goals, and a glance they really are – but most of them are tied into each other, in one way or another. Many of the Hearth/Home, Homeschooling, and Health goals are connected to each other in the concept of RHYTHM – establishing a rhythm will benefit all the areas. The curriculum we chose for Sunstone will get me moving, get me out of the house (nature walks!), and therefore will help me to further my progress toward my Health goals. I am nervous about what sits before me, and a part of me feels rather apprehensive about what I have outlined below, but I know that they are all attainable within a years time. I can do this.

Grimoire Challenge: January Week 5

I’m just jumping in on this, and I am truly uncertain how often I will be able to write about this, what with homeschooling starting on Monday. I doubt I will be posting each challenge per day, but will likely do as this post is done up – the whole weeks worth of challenges posted once a week. So, without further ado, the challenges I have done this week:

Your Amazing Witchy Self

Found this on Small Town Pagan, who found it on YouTube. I decided to answer the questions as a sort of inventory for myself, to see where I am right now.

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1. What kind of witch are you? I am an Eclectic Witch – I have leanings toward Hedge Witchery/Shamanism, but I am definitely eclectic.

2. How did you discover your path? My mother raised me as a Witch, though I identified as a Christian for a number of years during my childhood. She was my first introduction to a truly eclectic path; I started to develop thoughts about my spirituality at 10 years old, but I didn’t truly build my own personal beliefs until I was 19, on my own, and pregnant with my oldest child. I defined a lot of my beliefs with my kids biological father (who, for all his failings, was a good listener). It took a lot of reflection and thought and research to find out what my path detailed for my practice.

3. How long have you been practicing? Technically my whole life, but I truly only count the last 15-16 years as truly practicing, because that has been the length of time I’ve been doing things on my own (learning and practicing).

4. What path/tradition do you follow? Eclectic with a dash of Hedge Witchery and Shamanism.

5. Are you solitary or do you have a coven? Solitary.

6. Do you practice divination? If so, what techniques? I generally only do the Tarot, but I dabble in Astrology.

7. Do/would you teach and practice witchcraft to your children? I plan on raising my children with Paganism and Witchcraft, but I will encourage them to study other religions and find their paths as they deem appropriate.

8. Do you have a patron/major deity? Yes, and I am grateful for their patience and undemanding nature with me.

9. Favorite pantheon? I have a deep love of the Greek pantheon, always have, but I do not exclusively use this pantheon. I also love the Egyptian pantheon and Celtic pantheon.

10. Favorite goddess? Hekate

11. Favorite god? Lucifer (he is definitely a deity, whether he is widely seen as one or not).

12. Your sun sign? Aries

13. Your moon sign? Aquarius

14. Do you have a familiar? I searched for so many years for my familiar, and when I finally stopped caring about having one, I found him. I have a black cat (his given name is Loki, but I also just call him Black Cat) who cuddles in my lap when I perform magic, talks to me, points me in the right direction – he might knock things down, but it is always for a reason. He is a little shithead, no use denying it, but he is definitely my familiar. His older brother (whom we have had since my daughter was about 4 months old) is also my familiar, but he sits at the edge of the circle, watching and making sure everything remains safe – he is an indoor/outdoor cat, and whenever I leave he is waiting for me to come back. He has waited hours before, watching out, keeping an eye on the house, just waiting.

15. Thoughts on the afterlife? I believe in reincarnation, and I believe that a soul reincarnates multiple times and that there are lessons to learn in each life. Once our soul has learned all of the necessary lessons, it ascends back to the Great Spirit (the energy that makes up everything in this Universe), and becomes a star or some shit like that. I don’t know, I haven’t ascended yet. I have a very complex view on the afterlife and what becomes of us once we are no longer required to remain on this plane of existence.

16. Have you had any paranormal experiences? Too many to talk about. I am still very sensitive to the paranormal, and will likely continue to have experiences like the ones I’ve had in the past. One of the most notable experiences was, and still remains, the ‘imaginary’ friend I had when I was 7. We moved into my grandmothers house, and immediately I met Sarah, who was my age and looked similar to me but had brown hair and blue eyes – her skin was just a single shade darker than mine. When I told my mother about her, she flipped nuts – my grandmother accused me of lying and kept asking me how I knew about Sarah. Turns out, she was pregnant when my mother conceived me – my grandmother had a still birth of a baby girl she had named Sarah. They kept her headstone downstairs behind the couch before we moved in, and we kept all of my grandmothers furniture the way it was for a while. Sarah is still attached to me, and in honor of her, my daughters first name is Sarah (though that is not what we call her).

17. Are you out of the broom closet? if so, how do your friends/family feel about your path? I am most definitely out of the broom closet. I don’t usually hide it, unless it is for the sake of friends or out of respect for family. I might be open with my mother in law, but I would never discuss my beliefs with my husbands grandparents (unless they pressed and pressed and pressed and I finally snapped).

18. What is something that inspires you? Art. Writing. Music. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about Paganism/Witchcraft, cleaning, or whatever else – art, writing, and music are my inspirations for everything I do.

19. Do you have an altar? Yeah, I do – but the question is, do I use it? Because the answer to that is no, no I do not. Why? Because I am lazy and messy and harebrained and can’t sit down for a second to do anything that might further my spiritual path without finding something else to do first. I’m terrible.

20. What’s a spell that you’ve done? Money spells! Whenever I do my taxes, I always do a money spell to make sure the correct amount comes to me without deviation – I can’t stop the IRS from delaying it, but I can make sure I get it in the end. Job spells are another one I’ve been known to do. Protection and cleansings are spells and rituals I do regularly.

21. Do you have a totem animal? if so, what is it? Yeppers, Black Cat/Panther and Coyote. I have Wolf and Snow Leopard as well, but Black Cat and Coyote are my main ones (my Totem’s are the same as my Spirit and Power Animals).

22. Favorite pagan holiday that you celebrate? My number 1 favorite is Ostara, but Samhain is number 1 as well, if that makes any sense.

23. Do you meditate? I try? Yeah, let’s go with that. I try.

24. Have you gone to a psychic/tarot reader/reiki master/healer/etc? Tarot and Palm readers, who all sucked balls – except for the last one, who offered me a job managing one of her stores because she believed I had ‘the gift’.

25. What are some witch books that have influenced you? The Spiral Dance by Starhawk (really, all of Starhawk’s books); the Temple of Witchcraft Series by Christopher Penczack; any and all of Cunningham’s work.

26. Favorite witch websites? I don’t have one?

27. Favorite witch movie? Practical Magic

28. Favorite mythological animal? Well, not mythological, but Dire Wolves. But I also like… Pegasi.

29. Favorite season? Nope. I can’t pick one. It used to be Winter, but I love Spring and Autumn as well. Here in the desert, we have Monsoon and because of that, everything is green and muggy and alive and perfect – so I love that season as well. Can’t, and won’t, pick one. Bite me.

30. Favorite herb? Lavender and Sage

31. Favorite gem? Hematite, Bloodstone, Amethyst, and Quartz

32. Rune of your choice? Meh, I generally don’t mess with Runes. Not my thing.

33. Tarot card of your choice. The Sun, The Moon, and The Star (I can’t pick one!)

34. Symbol/sigil of your choice. Spiral, Tree of Life, or Pentacle.

35. Your athame (or one you want). Nope. Don’t have one, or want one.

36. Your wand (or one you want). Any stick I find, or my son finds, works just as well as any elaborate wand you could make or buy (at least for my path).

37. Your cauldron (or one you want). An aluminum pie dish, which are fireproof and just fine. Or maybe a glass baking dish, if I just need to mix some stuff up. I don’t really care, as long as it doesn’t break.

38. Your book of shadows (or one you want). OMG. I have two handmade, leather bound, handmade paper journals (one for each child so I can pass them down), regular black journals, a binder, notebooks, files on a computer, this blog… Sheesh. I want a giant tome but meh, whatever. I would never use it anyways. Even after all this time, I have no desire to write down the information because my path is constantly evolving and I don’t like ripping pages out of things.

39. Your tarot deck(s) (or one you want). The Tarot of the Cat People and Shadowscapes (I saw all the artwork for Shadowscapes before the deck was publish, and I am in love with the artists work so hard, omg, and I wanted this deck for years before I finally got it a few months ago).

There you go. Yep. Awesome. Peace out people, love, light, and sweet dreams!

Fear

I know that fear is healthy, especially when you are starting something new. It is healthy to feel apprehension about something, because that is a part of our learning process, it is an instinct that keeps us safe, but it can also be paralyzing. I wasn’t feeling fear when my husband left for basic training, because I am not afraid of being alone, I am not afraid of handling things on my own – I hate that he is so far away, and that I barely get to talk to him, and that he is going through some tough shit right now with the army, and I am scared of what might happen if he doesn’t make to/through basic training, but I do not feel fear of him being gone. I got this. I am strong. I can homeschool, and keep a clean(ish) house, and I can work on getting my online storefront ready. I can do this.

But right now, the fear is real. No lie. I have this anxiety building in my stomach. Are we ready to homeschool? But I don’t have this, or that – oh, Sunstone needs this for his lesson! What about this? Or that? … I don’t feel prepared. I feel like such a newb, and I am so scared. What makes me think we can do Waldorf inspired homeschooling when I was recommended to be held back in a Waldorf school?! What makes me think I can teach my son any better than the teachers at an established public school? I don’t have training!

Right now, I am working on a set of stories to give Sunstone a deeper understanding of the vowels and language in general. He has the basics down, thanks to public school – he knows the vowels, knows his letters, and can read little bits (but he gets very frustrated with reading, so I am hoping this deeper understanding will help to alleviate some it). I am also finishing up a set of Math Gnomes for when we start our Math Block.

But is it enough? Is it too much? What about the schooling area? Is Moonstone’s Frozen table really a good learning table? Should we have wood bowls and plates? What about playsilks and wooden toys? Nature table or tray?

I am scared. I am nervous. I am ready to start this, but at the same time I don’t feel ready at all. We are all so excited about February 1st, when we had decided to start schooling. I am grateful that we live in a state with pretty relaxed homeschooling laws. I can pretty much do whatever I want as long as we touch on the core subjects. I have a First Grade curriculum that is amazing (and so easy to tweak and add to).

I know that I need to do some inner work, do some reflection and have some time to myself to really focus on the root of the feelings I am dealing with. But trying to find the time right now is such a pain.

Something I need to realize, and accept, is that I am not everyone else. I am not calm, I am not peaceful – I yell, I get angry, I hide in my room for days on end, I just can’t even on some things. I am me, and all I can do is be the best me I can be for myself and my husband and my kids. I can work on myself, but I will always have a temper, I will always have to deal with anxiety and being an introvert, and I will always cuss like a fucking sailor. But I am ok with that – deep down, I know that I am ok with the negative things in my personality.

I just need to stop worrying, because in the end, we will all learn what works best and what needs to be discarded. We will figure it all out.